She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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