I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
