Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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