I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
