I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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