The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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