what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
In America we eat man semen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
