I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
