Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
