I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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