"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
