yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
