Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
