I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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