do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
