There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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