Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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