Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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