I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
