also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
