I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
