I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
