I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
too bad you live with your parents still
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
