If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
