Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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