why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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