MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
