Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
