i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
