i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They took my balls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
