She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
