i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
