i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
