Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
