So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
