Nicole vs. Life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
