all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
