how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
