In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
