Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
