I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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