Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
