everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
