just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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