Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
