Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
