The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
