Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
