just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
