im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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